all things mau

History of medicine:

2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is unhealthy. Here, eat this root.

Why didn’t anybody tell me that the bay area is pollen mecca? I’m getting allergies for the first time in my life and witnessing an amazing variety of stuff come out of my nose. I’m completely fascinated to the point where I stare at my tissue for a bit too long. Don’t “eww” me, you do it too.

So after I acquired my second, secondary infection, I visited my first acupuncturist. The western doctor only wanted me to take antibiotics, even though he said it was only a virus. Those who are medical savvy will recognize that antibiotics kill bacteria, not viruses.

My eastern medicine session was full of surprises. I was kinda hoping for an old white bearded Asian man smoking opium. I instead got a young Jewish(?) thick glasses wearing dude who repeatedly used the adjective “fucking” to describe mucus. I concurred.

I think acupuncture is a sick joke. He stuck needles in my forehead, thumbs, and shins, and left me there for about half an hour while he collected money from the in studio audience members watching me from hidden camera. Actually, i’m not that cynical about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, as soon as the shin needles went in, my conversation was interrupted and I had an unidentified emotion wash over me, which nearly made me cry. That must mean something, right?

When all was done he sent me home with these tree bark and leaves to boil and inhale for half an hour. After two days of treatment, my virus walked away, being too embarrassed to be in company of such of pansy hippie in the Bay Area.